In The King's Tent - Ramblings of a Dead Gypsy

Introduction

Maria: After a night of heavy drinking and lovemaking in Dad’s tent, he suddenly became filled with the Holy Spirit and began speaking in strong and yet very strange tongues. I quickly whipped out my handy Dictaphone so that none of our King’s seeds would fall to the ground…

In the King’s Tent--Ramblings of a Dead Gypsy

Dad: (Intoxicated) Fe, fo, fi, fum, I smeeeel the blood of an Englishmon! Hallelujah! Do you know what they call me honey?

Maria: David? Grandpa?

Dad: Some call me the crazy prophet! I’d say to those folks, well, I may be crazy, but at least I’m sane! That’d shut em up pretty quick! Ha! Oh my I feel so infused in the Spirit! When I was making love to Teeny and Corny, I envisioned these very beautiful females, clothed in gypsy-like garb! I almost wonder if the Lord is trying to get through to me? Honey, please pass me another bottle of sherry!

Maria: Don’t you think you’ve had enough already?

Dad: (Roooooooooooooooooar) Do you presume to give the King orders in his own tent? My goodness me!

Maria: (Scared witless) Oh I’m sorry! Here it is Dad!

Dad: Amen, that’s my girl! It’s these times where I think disobedient soldiers are what almost made me an alcoholic in the first place, and they’ll have to deal with the Lord and accept responsibility when he “asketh every man of their own”! Oh! Oh my Lord! Honey do you see that?

Maria: No, I don’t see anything!

Dad: Oh my! Why you must nigh well be blind by now Maria! It’s damn well time James provisioned you another eye appointment, hell, he should be damn concerned enough to go and get it provisioned for you.

Maria: Anyways… you saw?

Dad: Ha! I got so angered with James lack of concern and care for you that it almost slipped my time. Hell! I almost forgot. Did you or did you not see that Majestic sight? That Gypsy King. Oh Mama it was so majestic and heavenly. He was sitting right there, and he was clothed in rags and filthy garments. He looked so regal, just like a Gypsy King. Oh my! He’s talking to me, I think he’s trying to speak.

Maria: What is his name? Does he have a name? What’s his name?

Dad: (The following is a translation of the gibberish tongues that flowed like liquid shit out of our King’s mouth) My name is Abrahim. I am a Gypsy. No, I am a Gypsy King. I was killed on the same night of my wedding to my third wife as we fucked like rabbits in our tent. David, David. You are the now the King, you must lead my Gypsy people, the literal scum of the earth. For me David, for I am Abrahim.
(Dad continues this time in English)
Hallelujiah! Halleujiah! Oh my, oh gracious I’m blubbering like an old man. Pass me some tissue Maria. Oh gracious!

Maria: That was such a powerful message, and you were speaking in tongues the whole time.

Dad: That wasn’t tongues honey. That was the language of the Gypsies; it’s called Bosnian for they came out of Bosnia. (Wipes tears) Oh my, I am the new king. Humphry Bogart! Growl, humm , dumm. What a great responsibility, what a heavy burden on my frail shoulders.

Maria: Honey while you were prophesying in tongues, I could’ve sworn I saw you change forms, you literally morphed into King Abrahim, it’s like for a second you weren’t yourself anymore.

Dad: Damn right! Why the hell would I be able to speak so easily, and so freely in a tongue I have never ever heard if it was me still talking? It was Jesus talking through him, talking through me. Hallelujah! Well folks sorry to cut this tape short, I feel on the verge of passing out. But I’m sure you folks got something out of this heavenly vision, the Lord gives me a pile of shit, and then I give it you, but somewhere in that shit pile is a gem, a jewel, hell maybe even a whole bunch of gems and jewels.

Maria: Amen Dad you’re so talented. Mmm you’re just so inspired, you’re a prophet, and you’re a King.

Dad: You better believe it- ha! Now Maria summon Corny and Teeny back in my tent at once. This Gypsy King’s about to get it on!

...To be continued…?