Bye, Bye, Birdie -- Dad's Jewels on Death and Dying

Bye, Bye, Birdie—Dad’s Jewels on Death and Dying


John and Alf: Hi everyone! We’re back with the shopping!

Dito: Oh goodie! U. Alf did you bring me any presents?

Sara: Now David! Oh my! To think you would ask such a question. Alf doesn’t go shopping just for you.

Alf: That’s true David! But, today I did happen to get you a little something. It’s a gift for you and Davida from Grandpa and Mommy.

Dito: Oh boy, I can’t wait to see it!

(Alf reaches down and lifts a big cage onto the table)

Sara: Oh my, what do you think could be in there, kids?

(Loud squawks come from cage)

Sara: Oh my! Oh gracious me, have you kids guessed what’s inside there yet?

Davida: It sounds like birds!

Alf: Yes! Dad thought it would be a wonderful present to the children to get them two beautiful parakeets! He also said it would teach them about responsibility and taking care of things. Do you kids like them?

Dito: Oh boy, oh boy! They’re so pretty!

Sara: Let’s bring the cage down to the nursery.

(A few minutes later)

Sara: Ah it’s perfect. I have the birds set up perfectly kids. There’s a nice high voltage neon bulb in the cage to keep the birdies warm. Then I put some fresh whole-grain oats and yeast, and a healthy honey and ginger drink in their feeders. That way they’ll get all the nutrients they need. I also made sure to cover all the air holes in the cage, so that the birdies don’t catch a cold. Oh look, here’s Grandpa!

Kids: Hi Dad, thanks so much for the birdies!

Dad: Ha! Well I’m glad you like them. I see Sara has got them set up nice and comfortable, just like a little bit of Heaven on earth, hallelujah! You know, when I was a boy, I discovered that I was more of the outdoors type-a nature freak. Ha! I hated those god dam evolutionary Systemites and their stuffy textbooks. I preferred to sit quietly by myself on some hilltop, away from all the flatlanders and the godless bullies who nearly beat me to death at Comstock. In those times of quiet, I actually learned to speak several animal languages. Who would’ve ever guessed, huh? Your old Papa Lion fluent in not only tongues but the speech of men and even animals. Glory to God! I guess it’s just one of the many talents I’ve been blessed with.

Sara: Amen, that’s a wonderful story Dad!
Dito: Daddy, will you please show us then how to talk to the birdies in their speech?

Dad: Sure son! (Begins his bird dialogue) Cheep, cheep, cheep! Coo, chirp, cheep! Cheepity, cheep, chirpy, cheep!

Dito: Oh my! What does that mean?

Dad: It’s means ‘I love you’! Aha! Would you just look at that? The male parakeet is now trying to affectionately peck me! Ha! I guess he got the message! But I’d rather get pecked by the female parakeet! All the women in our homes are in a way just like little birdies. If you speak to them in the language of love they well lovingly peck you! (Begins “pecking at Sara”)

Sara: Mmmmmmm…. Hallelujah for Heaven!

Dito: I like holding the birds.

Sara: Don’t birds get sick if you touch them too much?

Dad: Of course not! Oh my! Who ever told you such a ridiculous lie Sara? The birds are not able to survive without affection! Not only through affectionate birdie love talk, but also in giving them the natural pleasures that anyone would desire, touching, cuddling, and petting! So touch those birds kids! Touch them till they screech aloud! Ha! Sex is one of the many wonders of Creation. Humans need it, but animals do to. Amen?

Sara: Yes sir!

(David and Davida begin touching and holding the birds)

Dad: Well kids, it’s dinnertime! Cover up the birdcage with the wool blanket Gem brought. We wouldn’t want the birds to catch pneumonia out here in the Tropics! Ha!

(The next morning)

Sara: All right kids, you may play with the birds before school starts.

Kids: Oh goodie!

(David pulls the blanket off the birdcage)

Dito: Oh no! Oh my gracious me!

Sara: What, oh what is wrong?

Dito: The birdies are dead.

(David and Davida begin sobbing)

Dad: What in Heaven’s name seems to be the problem?

Dito: Grandpa I think the birds went to birdie Heaven.

Dad: Well how on earth did that happen? Did you kids forget to feed them? Did you forget to cover all the air holes to make sure they didn’t catch a chill in the night? Oh boy I think I’m getting mad now. I bought those birds and I expect you children to have learned responsibility by now. To think I would’ve trusted Sara with teaching the kids!

Sara: Oh my, do forgive me Dad! But we followed the instructions on how to care for birds in the Activity book to the smallest detail. It must be an attack of the Devil.

Dad: Oh my I hadn’t even thought of that. To think I would spend the Lord’s money to buy birds for the kids, and the very next day they mysteriously die makes me wonder. Oh boy! If you kids fed em’ right, and loved em’ right and yet they passed on, there must be something to it. Oh my, me oh my! I suppose that we’ll have to bury these dead birds. Oh boy! It does remind me of that time in the restaurant, where that older man fell into my arms, and slowly passed on to the other side. He was a good fellow, a Christian. He had lived a very healthy and active life. And I thought to myself, I thought, Lord why would you take him away? And the Lord answered so loud and so clear it was like he was in the same room. The Lord said to me, ‘It was his time’! Ha! Would you believe that? It was his time to go on. There was nothing left for him in this life and that’s why the Lord took him. Hallelujah!

Dito: (Sobbing softly) Grandpa do the birdies really go to Heaven?

Dad: Amen! You better believe they do son! I’ve had so many pets in my childhood years, and I know they’re all waiting for me up there. They’ll be part of my welcoming committee, ha! Animals have souls! Every living creature on this earth does, that’s the way the Lord intended it to be. David, would you go ask James for the shovel?

Dito: Yes sir!

(Dad continues his talk)

Dad: As you know I’ve had so many near death experiences myself. When I was in the army, I near straight out died from pneumonia. It was only when I begged Jesus for another chance that he literally brought me back from the grave, and resurrected me so that I may rule over you folks. My, if I were to have an obituary published every time I died, I think it would near take up the whole newspaper. It’s just a wonder I’m still here. You folks should literally be praising and thanking God everyday for sparing my life so many thousands of times. Without the power of prayer I’d be dead. I don’t think you folks would last one minute without me! And sometimes I wonder, why? Why am I still alive Lord? Why do you keep saving me? And it came to me clear as a bell! It is not your time! Hallelujah! You better believe I’m here to stay until the Lord calls me home in that final hour, when the skies are red and lowering! Glory be to God! (Sings): Heavenly home, heavenly home…blah, blah, blah…

Dito: Here’s the shovel Grandpa!

Dad: Well Sara, let’s lift this cage and head outside with the kids. We have a burial to attend, a sombre funeral. Lucky I’m wearing my black bathrobe today, its almost like I’m dressed for the occasion. Davida, will you please grab that Bible and bring it along? That way we can read Scriptures to the birds as we return them to dust.

(In the garden)

Dad: Oh boy! I think it would be near sacrilege if one of those little Mexican farmers saw us out here burying birds. He’d probably have a fit. In third world countries they don’t bury their animals. Most people will flush dead pets down their toilet, or simply burn them in the fireplace like the pagans and heathens of old. I’m thinking that I should almost call Pueblo, our little Spanish interpreter, out here just in case one of those farmers coming running over here with his pitchfork wondering what on earth we’re doing. Those farmers are so poor; they’d literally come back in the dead of night and dig the birds back up so they can have something to eat.

Davida: Oh my!

Dad: Sara will you please begin to dig a hole?

Sara: Yes sir!
Dad: You kids could go put your angel costumes on that Gem made last week out of the old shower curtains. That way the birdies’ spirits will be able to depart in peace.

Kids: Yes sir!
(5 minutes later)

Dad: Oh my! You kids are back already, and just on cue! Sara just finished digging the burial hole.

Sara: (Panting) That’s my workout for today! Ha!

Dad: Now David would you like to lead this little ceremony?

Dito: Yes sir!

Dad: Please open the Bible to the book of Genesis! Aha! (Finds the verse he’s looking for) Okay! Sara, will you carefully wrap the birds in the scented toilet paper please? This reminds me of when they buried Jesus, and cloaked Him in scented oils and fresh linen. A burial fit for a King, hallelujah! Now Sara, carefully place the birds inside the hole, straight down to the bottom. That’s right, atta’ girl! David, will you please read the verse?

Dito: “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust. From dust thou are to dust thou shalt return.” (Genesis ?:??)

Dad: Now you and Davida can start carefully sprinkling the dust over the birdies, until you’ve covered them right back up. Oh my! Now son, why are you crying?

Dito: Because the birdies are dead!

Dad: That’s enough blubbering David! The birdies have gone on to be with Jesus. The Endtime is just around the corner, so you’ll see them soon enough. Suck up those tears like a brave boy son!

Dito: (Meekly) Yes sir!

Dad: Now let’s see…. where was I? Oh yes I was talking about Jesus and his burial. And I nearly think I’ve said all there is to say! That’s nigh enough talk of death for one day! Oh! I do actually have another story. This very sober situation reminds me of the time that my dog died. My oh my was I furious! I just about sobbed myself to sleep that night. My mother, the saint that she was, offered to pick up another dog from the pound for me but I flat out refused. I didn’t feel that any dog would be good enough to replace the dog that had been my loyal friend for years. But eventually I did get a new dog, and found I could be just as happy with a new pet! I know you kids may be mourning the loss of your birds now, but I’ll be sure to ask Alf to make a bird feeder for you.

Davida: What’s a bird feeder?

Dad: A bird feeder is a handcrafted wooden piece of craftsmanship that you fill with birdseeds and grains. Then you leave it outside, and watch and see all the many different species of birds that will come to feed on it.

Davida: Ooh that sounds wonderful Grandpa!

Dad: Well we better get back in the house kids! Who knows if little Tony or Pablo down the road has seen us up here burying birds? I’ll have to tell Alf to double the security checks this evening! Ha! From dust thou art, to dust we shall all return folks! Death is a wonderful thing, one of God’s many creations. So embrace it folks as you would life, hallelujah!