Dito OD's - The Dangers of Household Cleaners

Dito OD’s – The Dangers of Household Cleaners


Sara: Okay kids; I have to go wash the laundry in the stream! You can all have some playtime together while I’m gone, but please don’t go near the fireplace or any of the out-of-reach cabinets.

Kids: Yes Ma’am!

(Sara leaves room)

Dito: I want more juice!

Davida: But mommy already gave us peanut butter for snack.

Dito: Yes but I’m still hungry and thirsty. I was helping Alf and Grandpa fix Misty’s office chair before, and I really ‘worked up a sweat’.

Davida: But mommy said we mustn’t go into the cupboards without her permission.

Dito: Well I’m thirsty! Plus it will be fun.

Davida: Okay if you say so!

Dito: Pass me that chair so I can stand up on it and look in the closets.

(Davida pushes chair over to Dito)

Dito: Oh look! Oh boy! Oh gosh! This bottle says ‘coke’ on it. Sara’s never let us drink coke before, someone from the staff probably drank it.

Davida: But it will rot your teeth David!

Dito: A little coca cola never hurt anyone! You better not tell on me.

(Dito gulps coke down)

Dito: Here have a sip of it Davida; it’s nice and sweet.

Davida: No David, I would never disobey mommy, or Grandpa’s health rules.

(Dito keeps drinking and polishes off the entire bottle)

Dito: Uggh! That actually tasted a bit sick! Not like coca cola at all. (Cough) Now I have a rumbly in my tumbly. I think I’m getting a stomachache.

Davida: Oh no! I told you not to drink that David. Grandpa told me you could die from drinking those poisonous sugary drinks.

Dito: (Reels a bit) Oh my! I feel so sick now. I should never have drunk that. It tasted nice at first, but not like coca cola at all. Uggh! I feel so sick. (Cough, cough) Oh boy I’ve gotta sit down!

Davida: David you are so foolish to do such a bad thing. I’m telling on you.

(David suddenly barfs on floor)

Davida: (Lets out high-pitched scream) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
MOMMY!

(Sara comes running in)

Sara: Oh my golly! What in the world is going on? Davida you have been told never to scream in the King’s house!! I should take you over my knee right now!

Davida: (Bawling hysterically) Mommy, Dito drank the coca cola bottle and now he’s throwing up!

Sara: Oh my god! Dito! DITO! He’s passed out! Oh my goodness! His eyes are rolling back into his head. What do I do, oh what do I do?

Davida: Should I call the staff?

Sara: NO! Don’t do that Davida, get me the vitamin C and honey cough syrup so I can revive him!

Davida: Yes Ma’am.

(Sara begins spooning cough syrup into David’s mouth)

Sara: Oh my, this is a high crisis, life-endangering situation for our Prince.

(All of a sudden Dad and Maria come rushing in)

Dad: WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?

Sara: Dito passed out!

Dad: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAR! WHAT? HOW IN GOD’S GOOD NAME DID THIS HAPPEN?

Davida: He drank a whole bottle of coca cola!

Dad: My gosh! God damn those unhealthy sugary drinks the system makes. I could start puking right now it makes me so sick. Davida let me see the bottle, NOW!

(Davida hands Dad coca-cola bottle)

Dad: WHAT the… (Rips off paper label) This isn’t coca cola! This is toilet acid!

(Maria screams loudly)

Maria: Oh Lordy Lord! Will Dito live?

Dad: Call the staff in here immediately so we can lay hands on him!

Maria: Yes sir!

Dad: It makes me sick that someone would be so careless as to change a label on a bottle of poison.

Sara: Dad I don’t think Dito’s breathing. Should I call the doctor I flirty-fished?

Dad: Hell no! When have I ever relied on medicine to save a life? My god to think you would be so stupid as to ask me such a ridiculous question! If almost makes me wonder if you even deserve to be in this Family. It’s almost like you have no faith whatsoever to be so bold and brazen as to ask such a stupid and faithless question.

Sara: (Fighting back tears) I’m sorry Dad, please forgive my stupidity!

Maria: The staff is here Dad!

Dad: Well it’s about time. You think you folks would be here instantly when Dito is practically passing on to the other side, but no! You folks have the nerve to lag over here. What’s it been, five minutes since I called for you? My god!

Staff: We’re very sorry Dad!

Dad: Now let me think, oh let me think! What oh what could we use to revive David? Hum…hum…Who knows CPR?

Gabe: I learned basic CPR when I was in the army!

Dad: Well I guess that must’ve been the reason the Lord had you join it then Gabe! God doesn’t make mistakes, and now the 3 years you wasted in the goddamn army will be used for his glory! Hallelujah! Snap to duty son!

Gabe: Yes sir!

(Begins performing CPR on David)

Maria: Gem please go get the cooking oil from the kitchen so we can anoint David and lay hands on him.

Dad: Who in the world changed the label on this bottle?

(Silence)

Dad: Oh my flies are whizzing past my ears and I didn’t hear anyone speak up! WHO OH WHO CHANGED THE LABEL ON THIS BOTTLE?

Alf: (Meekly mumbles) I did sir!

Dad: WHAT? (Roar, Growl, Grrr) Why on earth would you do something so stupid? Are you brain dead son? Do you not realize what a stupid mistake that was? Why the hell would you change the label to say coca-cola? No one in this Family, much less this home is allowed to drink that diabolical poison!

Alf: I did it as a prank on April Fool’s Dad, I’m ever so sorry!

Dad: Sorry doesn’t fix it Alf! My god if I were to keep track of your blunders I’d have written a whole book my now! I’m thinking oh boy, I might as well kick you out of the home right now! I’m thinking to myself, well if Alf wasn’t such a good handyman I’d throw him out of my house right this minute! Do you realize the severity of this situation son?

Alf: Yes sir!

Dad: My god I could throw you out of my house and back into the system if you weren’t such a good handyman! If I didn’t need you to do the little fix-it jobs around the home, I’d throw you out. With your very limited personal and professional skills you wouldn’t even last so much as a day in the system Alf, there’s no love out there. Systemites are not prone to love and forgiveness like I am. Maybe I should throw you out, as a lesson to the whole Family, and believe you me I would! But you’re a good handyman son, that’s why we need you here. Ha!

Maria: You can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater! Ha!

Fam: Ha! Amen!

Gabe: I think Dito’s slowly reviving! Thank god the bottle wasn’t totally full or he might not have made it!

Dad: Hallelujah! (To Dito) How are you feeling son?

(Dito barfs again on the carpet)

Maria: He’s letting it all out.

Dad: Amen! Vomit is one of God’s natural remedies! He created it as a healer, a cleanser to our bodies. In that way if we abuse our bodies we our still able to let it out, if not we would die! Hallelujah!

Sara: We should still lay hands on him!

Dad: Amen! And look! Oh my goodness just look! Gem’s here right on cue with the cooking oil! It’s almost as if the Lord timed it out, so she’d arrive just as we were about to pray!

Maria: A check from the Lord!

Dad: Amen Mama!

(Everyone lays hands on Dito)

Sara Prays: Dear Jesus, thank you for saving Dito! Please forgive Alf for his blunder Lord, we all make mistakes. What matters is that you have saved Dito from the fiery depths of hell, from his near departure into your arms. For this Jesus we thank you! If you had chosen fit to take Dito at this time Lord, he would’ve been ready! But without him we would not have a second Endtime witness, and that’s why you spared Dito. He is one of your Endtime witnesses and we need him here dear Love. Hallelujah! Praise you Lord for your never-ending mercy.

Fam: Amen!

Dad: Oh boy what a close call! My goodness! Now I’m thinking, I’m nearly wracking my brain as to what the Lord wants me to call this whole talk, this whole heavy lesson. And its like for once in my life I’m at a loss for words! Oh my what am I going to do?

Maria: Well it’s almost like Dito OD’ed! Just like when we were all in the System, in the hippie movement. I think that title would really speak out to many of our Family, especially our young teens that have considered dabbling in drugs and substance abuse. It’s like a warning of what could happen!

Dad: Oh my! Mama it’s like the Dalai Lama himself just spoke through you.

Maria: The Dalai Lama?

Dad: Yes! The Buddhist spiritual leader, and founder of the hippie movement in China! Well then that’s what it shall be called. Dito OD’s!

Sara: Well Dad, this horrible mistake also happened because of the label change on the bottle. That’s what caused Dito to drink it. He drank a house cleaner.

Dad: There you have it! If Maria wasn’t the Queen first and foremost I may even consider choosing you as a birdie to sit on my shoulder. Thank you Sara that was a very heavenly revelation. Oh my! So there you have it folks! Dito OD’s, the Danger of Household Cleaners. Let this be a warning!